a presence.

in an instant my whole life was changed.  i felt a hand reach into my chest and fingers curl delicately around my heart.  it was safe, liberating.  i exhaled a full breath and i was able to relax.  oxygen invigorated my lungs, and i was able to feel life being dispersed through my body.  with each exhale i expelled a little more fear that i had bottled up inside myself over the years.  it was my protection, my thick skin.  but i didn't need it anymore.  that fear i had grown so accustomed to carrying around was starting to vanish.  i felt lighter and lighter as if i might just float right up into the sky amongst the stars.  i had always dreamed of the freedom to fly, to escape this world and zoom through the night and dance on the moon.  for the first time, this felt possible.  it was christmas eve and i was celebrating your birthday, and instead you gave me the most precious gift of all.  i am loved, i felt loved amidst all my flaws, you accept me just as i am.  that paradigm shift has acted as a catalyst towards empowerment, but more importantly towards the realization that i'm never alone.  that night you cradled me, you let me cry, and invited my eyes to see things they had never seen before, and my heart to feel things i didn't know existed.  you burst a light into my soul that has started healing from within.  the healing process is slow, but you are patient.  each day i find another piece of my shattered voice.  my deepest desires and dreams are unbeknownst to anyone because they have been unable to find life anywhere but in my head.  but when i'm ready and the world is ready my dreams will take on a life of their own, and explode like a firework lighting the darkness with a message that cannot be ignored.