anxious.

i can't... i can't... i can't... stop the words from racing around my head.  i watch them run circles, but they're moving so fast i'm unable to read what they're trying to say.  tricky tricksters if you ask me.  distractions of the worst kind.  down the rabbit hole they say.  no thanks i reply.  but they're insistent.  they're inescapable.  close my eyes, i think, that will help.  wrong.  in the darkness more and more words begin to flash in front of my closed eyelids.  okay, i surrender.  all at once a flood of ideas, inspirations, and doubts come crashing into my consciousness.  where to begin?  overwhelmed.  the list keeps growing longer.  i can do that.  great.  no problem.  yup.  well shit.  no not that.  ugh.  really?  okay.  i can't.  in the silence of the dark i scream out.  it's earth shattering to me as i disturb the sleeping night.  anxiety is vibrating through me as my limbs begin to tremble.  so.  much.  to.  do.  it's the middle of the night, i can't get started til morning.  not an option, do it now.  my shaky hands grab the computer and try to type.  this isn't working.  sometimes my mind doesn't belong to me.  perhaps it's my body.  either way efficiency is out of the question.  "i tried," i think as frustration slams the computer screen shut.  blackness.  quiet.  even if it's just for a split second, i revel in it.