alone, but not lonely.

i am alone, but i'm not lonely.  i was never sure i'd understand what that meant, but now i do.  the task of loving myself is still work, but i stand here breathing in the nervous butterflies of a brilliantly bright future with no plans.  for the first time, i am asking me to love myself.  not just parts of myself, all of myself.  i have loved many with all of my heart and soul, and i'd like to do that for me.  i fall in love all the time and it's my favorite feeling in the world, but for the first time i feel good crawling into my bed at night with a happy heart and calm conscience.  i have often confused chaos with love.  and let me tell you sometimes they are one in the same.  but i finally see the world through a crystal clear lens of independence.  relationships will test you.  they will expose your rawest nerves.  they will flaunt your greatest insecurities, yet without them you wouldn't even know you needed the time and space to heal and grow.  so to everyone who has graciously given me their time and their love, and to everyone i have joyously shared myself with, thank you.  life is a beautifully broken and treacherous journey at times, but being strong on your own only makes you the perfect person to take on the world with together.