try again.

the scariest part is to try again.  

it's easy to walk away.  we have all become escape artists that have learned to hide from life and we forcefully forget to feel our feelings.  it's nice to be comfortably numb.  it's convenient to pretend we don't care.  but why don't we all get really honest and just say what we need to say.  nothing you can unleash is worse than the conversation i'm having in my head.  the harsh words i assume you'd use, or the cutting remarks i'll never recover from.  

yet i still choose you.  don't you get it.  yes you.  each one of you, all the time, and everyday.  you're worth it to me.  we float through life like a bubble with the constant fear of being popped while we're really more like a boulder rolling aimlessly taking down everything in our path.  we have jagged edges that poke and prod,  yet we look at everyone else like a nicely polished stone.  smooth.  and then when we collide with one another we are confused by the damage that is left behind.  you did that to me?  but when i looked at you i saw no signs of danger.  a lingering feeling of purposeful malice and intent sews itself into the healing wound.  

don't do that again.  noted.  

but why.  can't we cut each other some slack.  do you have life figured out?  i didn't think so.  so give me grace.  give me time to work this out and to make it up to you and to apologize for all the wrongs i've committed that i had no idea i was committing.  and i promise in return i will do the same for you.  i will be the open door when the last 3 were slammed in your face.  i will be the place where you can cry and there is no consequence.  i will love you, because that's what we're meant to do.  

i don't care if you hurt me.  it means i care enough to be hurt.  don't destroy me, that takes effort.  but if you give me a scar that i can carry for the rest of my life i can know i cared enough to forgive you.  i worked hard enough and i sought after my soul.  i found myself back at the beginning, and the beginning is only love.  

so try again.  pick up your pieces and be willing to share them.  we are not ourselves without the pieces of other people we have gathered.  so don't be stingy.  forgive me.  forgive him.  forgive her.  they've earned it.  these feelings are not unique, they are universal.  so instead of pushing people away because they're real, can't we unite?  

anyway.  i love you.  that was the point of all of this.  to tell you i love you.