take a deep breath.  i repeat this mantra over and over in my head.  as i exhale, i make room for God to fill my soul.  i was so full of toxic energy i wasn't able to find the real guidance i was seeking.  everything i felt i was missing is suddenly filled with the love of Christ.  i feel the muscles in my back begin to relax, and blood starts flowing its course in my matrix of veins.  warmth fills my body, and the color purple drains from my lips.  oxygen nourishes my body, and i begin to feel my soul return to its satisfied state.  this is what happens when i try to do it all on my own.  i forget i don't have to.  i forget my role as a daughter.  i forget that i'm a daddy's girl, for the first time in my life.  i begin to weep.  tears drip down my soft cheek.  these tears are a very real physical reaction to God's love.  He brings me to my knees again.  i am human.  i weep for hours as my mortality rings through by bones.  the tears cleanse my soul as i have asked for help, and it has showed up, as it always does.  LOVE is the definition of God.  and i love with all my might.