loneliness..

loneliness is the path that leads to destructiveness.  as each moment passes, each second builds on the last with a weight that's compounding so quickly i feel as if my bones will disintegrate.  the only way to escape it is to keep moving, but is it my fate to become intimate with the one person i wish i wasn't?  i'm not ready to love myself, so i start to run.  faster and faster.  my lungs ache with longing to simply stop, but life is clicking right on my heels and i'm not sure i'll survive the crash that is sure to ensue.  i can no longer feel my feet, but i hear the rhythm of one foot falling in front of the next.  it's easier to distract myself with a fleeting moment of hope than to sit back and swim through the broken glass i've shattered in my wake.  in a desperate attempt to regain control i lace my fingers through the first they come in contact with.  i'll figure the rest out as soon as i can see straight.  the sun peeks over the horizon with a soft pink and blue that screams "it's a new day."  its subtle taunting makes my heart pound out of my chest and flashes of a thought that says "burn it all down" is almost enough to make me spark the match.  but a moment of clarity swoops down like a harsh wind that takes your breath away.  destructiveness is the symptom of a broken heart, the little girl lashing out because she wants to feel okay.  what to give up in the name of love is still something i'm learning.  but for right now, i'm basking in gratitude for another moment to make the right choice. loneliness is a lie, so don't give in to her whispers that it'll hurt less if you light it all on fire.