in the night.

again, the seconds tick by like hours.  it's the never ending game of hurry up and wait.  waiting for the hit to come in the form of a message that will illuminate the dark room.  the issue with that is even if said wish were to come true, it's devoid of anything real that could potentially mend the pieces that are falling apart.  you kids these days.  yeah, us kids these days.  dreams and desires, but not willing to put in the long hard hours and years and moments that accumulate into something great.  pause.  okay i guess some of us are.  back to the point.  i'm waiting.  but what am i waiting on.  something different that's for sure.  we make our own destinies.  i don't know about that.  but we have choices, that's a fact.  here it comes again - red hot passion that pours out of my eyes and burns a path down my cheek.  i can't help it, sometimes it's all i've got.  the tears pump directly from the dust that remains in the hole where my heart used to be.  sad.  sure.  forgiven.  definitely.  hopeful.  that's the key.  finding faith and remaining hopeful.  so as the hours pass on into the night, and the delirium settles like a heavy veil over my eyes i don't fear the future.  i surrender.  as soon as that happens a gentle peacefulness passes through me.  as the dawn breaks, the weight of the world disappears with the black back into the night.  i made it, through another night's waiting.  perhaps i'll get it right today, but if not - at least i can try again tomorrow.