i am loved.

i've been holding my breath for so long now that my thinking is clouded by insecurities, and reality is now altered by moving pictures which i can no longer delineate as fact or fiction.  regardless of their validity, it all begins to feel real.  i have become prisoner to my mind and over active imagination.  when i close my eyes, the pictures pick up pace and begin to flash brighter and more vividly.  i can't escape.  there's no way to turn this movie off, playing on repeat in my head.  if left to my own devices i'm surely doomed.  it's out of my control and no longer up to me.  maybe it never was.  i feel abandoned and alone.  tears drip into an open wound and the salt stings with each drop.  my body hits bottom with a loud thud that rings incessantly through my ears.  my brain jolts, silence.  i am not alone, and i am not without choices.  i look up into the sun and am blinded by the truth.  i feel His presence, and in that moment i know i am loved.