words like weapons.

you take for granted the gravitas of your words.  i can tell by the passion pouring from your eyes that what's about to tumble from your lips might be the end of me.  bracing for impact, each syllable singes my skin.  if you truly knew how much you meant to me, you'd never wield your words like weapons.  there'd be no need. but your reality is your truth, and i've tried time and time again to shift your gaze.  yet here i am, banging my head against the wall trying to prove i'm not who you tell me i am.  why does it feel like i've retreated back to the third grade?  letting the big bully hurl hateful rhetoric in my direction in an effort to what... that i'm still not sure.  wasn't sure back then either.  i'm exhausted by the dance i'm doing to dodge the incoming blows.  then a moment of peace passes through me.  compassion.  empathy.  compassion.  the only trait that really separates us from most beasts.  "to suffer with."  hm.  think on that.  so i swallow my pride, and allow myself to feel your pain.  i digest it, and, in some form, understand it.  i'm not sure it makes a difference, but somehow in my soul i know it needs to be recognized.  after the dust has settled, leaving the coating of a soft translucent memory, i see nothing but a little boy who needs more love than i may know how to give.  it's not my job to love everyone, but i think it is my job to love you.  the unconditional way. 

i wish i would've known.

i wish i would've known from the start the way you'd make me feel.   the highs are the highest but the lows are something i never expected.  i never expected to look into your eyes and find peace.  now i'm fiending for a fix.  i'm hoping for a sliver of stillness in the quiet of your quarters.  i can't tell where we're headed.  i'm not really sure where it even all began.  but i'm swimming in the middle of the ocean with no sign of the shore.  i want to sink away into the sureness of tomorrow, but that's a gift you're not willing to give.  so i'll breathe in the salty air, and let go of what was never mine to begin with.