a knowing.

i can honestly say, that at any given moment, on any given day i can be a complete and utter emotional mess.  in an instant my face can grow hot with anger, or worse jealousy whips her vicious head and my stomach turns upside down in an immediate reaction to her wrath.  i can feel complete serenity, or be overtaken by a warmth of compassion in my heart for every creation i set eyes on.  it's the not knowing that makes each day exciting, but i also feel as though i need to brace myself for the roller coaster ride i'm about to get on.  this journey of life isn't always easy.  i figure if i'm a good person i will live a good life.  from what i can tell, it doesn't really work that way.  great, hard working people get dealt a bad hand and have to learn to bluff the best they can, while i watch others effortlessly float through life with luck on their side.  it doesn't seem fair.  but i also have to remember most things are not as they appear.  there is no guidebook or set of instructions, we have to exhaust every wrong possibility before we finally get so sick of running head first into the same wall that we decide to take a different path.  it takes a steadfast commitment, and a bravery to wake up every morning ready to battle forward.  sometimes we can't.  sometimes we simply bury our head in the sand and lay motionless in the dark hoping life will give us a break and not notice our limp bodies lying lifeless on the ground.  resilience strikes again.  purpose.  a knowing, that if we can just keep moving we will be that much closer to the dreams we wish to make realities.  it's in the moments of weakness that true character shines through.  the countless hours of work we have dedicated to our simple lives comes beaming into existence in those moments we need it the most.  humbled, we have a new appreciation.  our perceptions have been redefined and altered yet again.  a new set of possibilities has expanded our worlds, and like a child we have to learn all over again.  sometimes it feels like life is the same stuff on a different day, but if we can really open our eyes we will see that each day is to experience life again for the first time.  i don't know about you, but today i hardly resemble the person i was even a year ago.