we can do better.

i've been at a loss for words. 

it's a little bit weird for me.  which makes the uneasy feeling in my stomach that much worse. 

how can we pretend we know best?  how can we play God?  life is so so precious, and in an instant it's ripped from your body and tossed into the abyss.  

the topic has been talked about and talked about and talked about and the only answer that keeps rising to the top is love. 

i can't turn a blind eye to the hate that hangs in the air around us.  it slowly seeps into our souls and before we know it we're surrounded by a feeling that isn't our own.  but we must stand firm and united.  we can't use this as an excuse to say "i told you so." and also, if we can shrink the macro to the micro for just a second... this is a lesson we can scale into our daily lives. 

answer the call with love.  no one is perfect, but in order to make the right decisions in the high pressure situations it needs to be a daily practice.  so the next time you have every right to say "i told you so" say something else.  pause just long enough to think about why one might be acting in a way that desires love, but is manifesting as something rough and mean.  

we can all do better.  we can all show up and be better versions of ourselves, but in a world that seems hopeless can you be that ray of sunshine someone needs to see their way? 

together.

together in silence we lay staring at the ceiling.  usually my brain would race for a clever thing to say, but instead your fingers wrap around mine and i feel no pressure to do anything but be.  silence used to force its anxiety through me.  silence used to be something i dreaded.  all day thoughts bounce between my ears fighting to be so important i open my mouth to let them out, but next to you they all fade away.  you begin to tell me a story, and i lose myself in the low rumble of your voice.  as you speak your essence finds its way into my soul, and it doesn't feel crowded.

when it's quiet.

when it's quiet we have to answer to ourselves. 

i love noise and chaos and people and distractions... but when it comes down to it they stand between me and myself. 

why am i so uncomfortable asking myself the hard questions?  i have no problem asking you.  in fact, i want to know... i want you to tell me, to share your truth, because then i become a little more special and i know that much more about what makes up the pieces of who you are.  

so here i sit in (almost) silence wishing the words would come to me, the answers to my life's questions.  they don't.  

maybe it's the effort that counts.  the fact that i can sit in stillness for however short amount of time and reflect on that day, or hour, or moment.  i can obsess or stew on something that hurt me or i can let go of something that no longer serves me.  

it doesn't have to be a practice of perfection.  it just needs to be a practice in general.  

getting to know yourself is a daily task.  it takes time and commitment as any relationship does.  i pray i am always faced with the challenge.  at least then i know i'm changing and change is good.  change to me equals growth.  i hope i'm never the person i was a year ago.  i should have to get to know myself all over again. and again. and again.